Springtime White Chocolate Cranberry Cookies with Lemon Glaze

It’s the long haul between Christmas time and Spring here, so I thought I’d make some Springtime cookies that are a bit reminiscent of Christmas.

These white chocolate cranberry gems are soft in the center with a crusty initial bite and then finished with lemon glaze for a perfect sweet zing.

Half proper shortbread cookie, half scone, these melt-in-your-mouth cookies will brighten your day.

I can feel it now – Spring is on the way!

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Springtime White Chocolate Cranberry Cookies with Lemon Glaze

Part proper shortbread cookie, part biscuit, these soft and slightly crumbly cookies are reminiscent of Christmas but finished with lemon glaze to remind us that Spring is on the way!

Prep Time 20

Cook Time 12

Servings 24 cookies

Equipment

2 large mixing bowls
1 sheet pan
Rolling Pin
cookie cutters 2 inch diameter

Ingredients

1 cup granulated sugar
1 egg large
1/2 cup canola oil
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 cup milk I use 1/8 cup heavy cream mixed with 1/8 cup water
3 1/2 cups flour all purpose
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 cup dried cranberries
1 cup white chocolate chips

For Lemon Icing

2 cups confectioners' sugar
2 lemons juiced
zest of one lemon

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Whisk together sugar, egg, vanilla extract, canola oil, and milk.
In separate bowl, mix together 3 cups flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.
Make a well in center of flour mixture and pour liquid ingredients into center.
Stir to combine until a slightly crumbly dough forms.
Add cranberries and white chocolate chips. Stir until cranberries and chips are just mixed throughout.
Form dough into a smooth ball, adding more milk as needed.
Place dough onto a well-floured surface and roll out until dough is 3/4 inch in thickness.
Dip cookie cutter into flour to ensure cutter doesn't stick and then cut dough into cookies.
Place cookies onto sheet pan and bake for 10-12 minutes until just golden on sides and bottom. While cookies are baking, make icing.

For Lemon Icing

In a small bowl combine confectioners' sugar, lemon juice, and zest. Whisk until smooth.
Once cookies are cooled, glaze with lemon icing and enjoy!

Empty, Empty Nest

Today I will take the Christmas tree down.

Normally, I hate this task.

But this year it feels far worse.

See, today is the last day my 24-year-old son will live at home – at least if things go as “planned.”

As a single parent of a single child, I can definitely say that I am to-some-extent enmeshed, although my son and I have much different lives.

I work full time as a mental health professional (psychiatrist), and very much have a full plate and life, as well as independent goals outside of being a parent.

Yet the event feels painful – and poignant.

It’s been coming for years, and with COVID, housing for youngers has been slim. But today (tomorrow) is the day.

My son (front) with his cousin (my nephew)

I will let you all know how it goes. I know there are a few good online forums for Empty-Nesters.

I am not depressed or anxious, just sad.

And the tree beckons.

😥

Wounds and Thumbprints

Maybe it was the jam thumbprint cookies I made last night, but all night I dreamed about wounds.

I woke up thinking about you.

And me.

And how we wear our wounds less like balls-and-chains and more like thumbprints – craters, really – indenting our very cores.

They are large and visible, sometimes honed through years of weathering.

While the world generally makes out the shape of the thumbprint unique only to each of us, those who really know us sometimes see exactly how the wound events unfolded all those years ago.

I see you – a tiny boy, toddler really. Your spirit hopeful, optimistic, a bit yearning. And then, suddenly, across your tiny face, a look of shock, no, dismay, actually. And then pain. Crestfallen.

A betrayal.

Was it her? Your mother?

I know how she could be.

You never did tolerate fickle. Or me.

You read fickle as too mutable, too unpredictable. Too scary.

In the face of what you must have experienced as that tiny boy I understand.

Your defense mechanism is to go to battle.

The trigger a slightest movement out of the corner of an eye or just within ear shot. And then it’s guns blazing, mowing down with precision.

Words and if that’s not enough, fists.

My own wound is that I am the invisible one. No one to catch me, no one would even see me slip away. It’s a hollow aloneness.

My defense mechanism is making my way, always myself, driving ahead, forging, proving. No one else to rely on in the end.

It’s why dependence makes me flee. Makes me dance as if I’m walking on coals. Makes me fickle.

No wonder we didn’t make it.

No wonder we tried.

Best Teriyaki Red Cherry Glazed Pork Ribs

I promise this is one of the best pork dishes you will ever taste.

Umami from the soy, sweetness from the sugar, a bit of zing from the ginger, and then extra sweet-bitter redness from the cherries make this melt-in-your-mouth pork out of this world.

My favorite Sunday dinner dish, I just remade this with fresh red cherries, which gave the meat a richer, redder flavor and shine.

If you like glazed meat, try this easy dish. You may definitely omit the cherries, but I found them again this time of year, and they added an amazing depth of sweet flavor.

A perfect Sunday dinner to start off the New Year 2022, I served this with buttered baked yams and a fresh green salad.

Enjoy and Happy New Year!

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Teriyaki Red Cherry Glazed Pork Ribs

Prep Time 15

Cook Time 2

Servings 4

Ingredients

6 country pork ribs
1 pound fresh red cherries pitted and split in half
12 tbsp soy sauce divided
10 tbsp white sugar divided
1 1 inch piece fresh ginger root peeled and grated
2 1/2 cups beef broth divided
4 scallions diced
1/2 tsp sesame seeds

Instructions

To each of two heavy-bottomed skillets add 6 tbsp soy sauce and 5 tbsp sugar
Heat over low and dissolve sugar
Add half of the ginger, 1/2 of the cherries, and top with 3 pork ribs
Top each pan with enough beef broth to nearly submerge ribs, adding water as needed to ensure ribs are nearly submerged
Heat each pan of ribs to boiling, then reduce heat and cover
Simmer on low for one and 1/2 hours
Remove lids and skim cherries which should be floating on top of simmered liquid. Leave ribs in pans, turning once
Place cherries in a blender along with 1/2 cup of liquid from one pan and blend until smooth
Pour 1/2 of cherry liquid emulsion into each pan, increase heat to medium, and cook with remaining liquid about 30 minutes
Liquid will thicken and become sticky
As sauce thickens, turn ribs several times to coat with glaze
Once sauce is completely sticky and fully coating ribs, remove ribs to platter
Sprinkle with diced fresh diced scallions and sesame seeds as desired

Red Beet, Greens, and Orange Salad with Dijon Vinaigrette

This beautiful salad is a perfect start to any meal. Fresh and bursting with flavor and color, it is not your typical green salad.

I love fresh beets. Sometimes they do sit a while in the fridge as I forget just how magical they are. This is one of those recipes that you can rely on to transform that forgotten root into one of the best versions of beets ever!

I made this salad to accompany prime rib this Christmas, and there was not one bite left of it when we finished.

You can find beets, oranges, and greens year-round now, so if you want a lot of color and freshness to start any meal, this is a great bet!

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Red beet, greens, and orange salad with Dijon vinaigrette

A colorful, savory, and sweet salad bursting with flavor of roasted beet, fresh greens, and oranges

Prep Time 20

Cook Time 1

Servings 6

Ingredients

4 whole red beets fresh
2 oranges medium to large
2 cups romaine lettuce torn into 1/2-inch pieces
1 cup radicchio torn into 1/2-inch pieces
1/3 cup red onion diced

Dijon Vinaigrette

1 tsp Dijon mustard
1 tbsp honey
1/4 cup white balsamic or white wine vinegar
1/2 cup olive oil extra virgin
1/4 tsp salt

Instructions

Preheat oven to 425 degrees
Remove beet greens and discard (or save for another use)
Wrap beets individually in aluminum foil
Roast in oven, on sheet pan, for one hour, until beets are tender
Meanwhile, peel oranges and cut into 1/2-inch segments
Toss romaine, radicchio, diced red onion, and orange segments in a large salad bowl
Once beets are roasted, remove from oven and let cool – about 10 minutes
Remove beets from foil and, running under cool water, use your fingers to remove skins from beets. Skin should easily slide off if beets are thoroughly cooked
Dice beets into 1/2-inch segments and toss with greens and oranges
Drizzle salad with Dijon vinaigrette and toss well

Adventures in Outdoor Gourmet: Early Winter Day Trek

Today’s adventure is a day trek, high, high into the mountains of Northern New Mexico.

This one is simply a cooking adventure!

However, I do anticipate that where I am going will not have many people there this time of year. It’s getting cold at elevations now, and this one is at nearly 8,000 ft.

I’m leery of bears, especially with really yummy foods with me, but I plan a campfire. And also, aren’t bears hibernating this time of year?

I have a really complicated menu planned. Why?

I’m experimenting with making different dishes in the wild and experimenting with light and photographs and video.

(All of my photos turned out horrible, by the way. 😂😂😂😂)

I’m learning. I will post some so you can all laugh too. 🤣

This was the planned “experiments” menu:

“Breakfast”:

Vanilla Cinnamon French Toast
French Press Coffee
Scrambled Eggs with Lox and Fresh Dill

“Lunch”:

Salad Rolls
Chips

“Dinner”:

Chipotle in Adobo Braised Chicken Tacos
Avocado Crema
Pinto Beans

Weird menu, right?

Like I said, I’m experimenting with cooking – gourmet – over the fire and with my Coleman.

Anyway, here is how the day started: Coffee. This French Press Italian Roast is rich and smooth, heavy.

With a kick. Caffeine.

This is also probably the best photo on this blog, so enjoy. LOL!

Well, it’s almost 9:00AM – time to hit the road!

I’ve planned about an hour and a half drive, as I want to get pretty far into the mountains today, as I said.

Along the way, I stop along the Jemez river – this is early winter in Northern New Mexico. The colors are still glorious yellows and burnt auburns.

After about an hour and 1/2, here I am – pretty far into the mountains and at an elevation of almost 8,000 ft.

So still, I hear slight rustling of wind through the trees, every now and then a rodent scampering.

Serene.

On the way up were people in trucks, seeking to cut their perfect 2021 Christmas tree. The pine, spruce, and fir are fragrant with dank pine scent.

Most are misshapen bold survivors amongst the few Christmas-tree perfect figurines.

Unloading, I set up my table, Coleman, water jug, and get my fire going.

This is not going easily today due to the cold and dampness. See the snow on the ground? Luckily brought some of my own wood. Good thinking, Gray! 😊👌

Finally going really well now!

I make more coffee.

I don’t know if it was the flavor of my cast iron pan or that the butter melted too quickly over too-hot coals, but my french toast had the flavor of burned butter. Notes to self! Cooking over the campfire is a bit tricky!

I didn’t even bother with a photo. LOL.

At home, to redeem myself, I made french toast the next morning. Here’s how it’s supposed to look:

This one I drizzled with some amazing honey I found recently at No Bull Prime Meats. All of their honey is jarred and labeled by zip code. Talk about specialization!

Link is here:

https://www.nobullprimemeats.com/

As you can tell, even with the above, I am working on my photography skills, as I know these are not doing my food justice. Truly a learning curve.

Anyway, on to the scrambled eggs.

I’ll a post a link to the recipe in a bit, but essentially this is just soft scrambled eggs with cream cheese melted in, topped with lox and dill. Yum!

I’m going to skip along here, I’m starting to bore myself.

I did the salad rolls. They were my favorite thing of the day. Recipe forthcoming as well.

These are just finely chopped fresh veggies folded into a dressing of 1/2 mayo and 1/2 sour cream and then spooned into fresh rolls.

Very light and flavorful!

By the way, I am totally alone out here. There is no one out here except for a very occasional car along the nearby road. I am not afraid at all.

Daylight is not difficult for me at all – it truly is the night and the dark.

For some folks, reactions to trauma are like that – they remain isolated to the type of situations in which the traumatic event occurred. For me, it’s at night, when I am alone.

For others, reactions “generalize,” and extend to other types of situations. A panic attack at a train station turns into panic attacks anywhere in public. That’s actually quite common.

Tracking back to the original trauma may help, but also may worsen anxiety and avoidance associated with PTSD and in my opinion, should be done in the context of therapy.

I’m going to start my early dinner.

This recipe is very easy – in fact actually impossible to mess up – and I did not mess this one up today. 🤣

I heat my cast iron skillet over the grill, add a touch of oil and then a large skinless chicken breast (2 medium work as well), which I have lightly seasoned with salt and pepper.

This recipe does not even require browning of the chicken, but I do move the chicken around in the skillet and flip once to ensure it is not sticking.

Then to the skillet I add a whole can of chipotles in adobo sauce and a cup and 1/2 of chicken broth – just enough to almost cover the chicken breast.

Covering tightly with aluminum foil, I let this cook over medium-hot fire coals.

After 40 minutes this is the result: Pretty blurry from my lack of photographic experience with the afternoon slant of fall sunlight, but you can see the chicken is cooked through and liquid evaporated. I do not like my chicken tacos soggy!

This chicken is pull-apart fork tender and I shred simply with my fork along with some of the chipotle (a lot today, as I’m a bit cold) and assemble my tacos. This chicken is spicy, flavorful, and so tender!

After warming my corn tortillas quickly on the fire, I fill with the shredded chicken and chipotles.

And today, I made an avocado crema (1/2 avocado mashed with 1/4 cup sour cream), with which I topped my tacos, and added a bit of diced red onion. Served with my pinto beans made at home and warmed over the fire – yum! Cheers!

Here’s how this looked when I made it at home earlier this year (without avocado).

And these beans – so yum! I cooked the beans at home, topped with a bit of red chile sauce, avocado, cheese, and a fried egg.

The fire is ebbing and I’m heating water and heavy cream to make my Mexican hot cocoa. I would spike this one with whisky, but it is time to head home once this fire winds down.

It’s rich and warms me through to finish this wonderful late fall day.

Bacon-and-Egg Greens Salad with Avocado, Radicchio, Grapes and Vinaigrette

This is a ridiculously easy, healthy, and hearty salad perfect for lunch or a light dinner served along with soup or a crusty bread.

I made this during a recent overnight camping adventure – see my post “On Conquering Fears II: Overnight Camping.” https://on-conquering-fears-ii-overnight-camping

Although it was just me and my constant companion puppy, this salad was a hit!

But truly, I have made this salad many times, both at home and elsewhere, as it is so easy and my family loves it.

A friend recommended adding finely chopped red onion and bleu cheese, which I think is an excellent idea.

You can also add walnuts or pecans – candied or roasted, even plain! Or dried cranberries, diced apple, or other cheese such as feta or goat cheese.

You won’t catch me making anything with goat cheese though. It’s one of those taste aversions I developed from a childhood memory.

Suffice to say, when I attended a rather weird private school in the high mountains of New Mexico we were served goat’s milk with every lunch. Yuck!

But on to the yummy stuff! Here is the recipe.

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Bacon-and-Egg Greens Salad with Radicchio, Grapes, and Vinaigrette

This easy, healthy, and hearty salad is perfect for lunch or a light dinner served with soup or a crusty baguette.

Prep Time 15

Servings 4

Ingredients

For the Salad

4 slices bacon cooked until crisp and rough chopped into 1/2-inch pieces
4 eggs hard boiled and chopped into 1/2-inch segments
1 ripe avocado diced
2 cups fresh salad greens roughly torn into 1-inch pieces
1/2 cup radicchio roughly torn
20 seedless red grapes sliced in half

For the Vinaigrette

1 tsp dijon mustard
1 tbsp local honey
1/4 cup rice wine or white balsamic vinegar
1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil
1/4 tsp salt

Instructions

Chop salad ingredients roughly and add to large salad bowl, taking care not to damage eggs
Drizzle with vinaigrette and toss well

Enjoy and let me know what you decide to add to this salad!

Fiery Cherry & Pinon Nut Salad with Charred Scallion Vinaigrette

Warm up your holidays with this sexy, sweet, and spicy cherry salad!

Serrano and charred scallion vinaigrette add just the right amount of spice and smoke to the bed of sweet cherries you lay down to start this dish.

Creamy pinon nuts round out the flavor, along with a bit more “bite” from the scallion. Don’t skimp here – it looks like a lot of onion, but you need the spicy bite to balance out the sweetness of the cherries.

I really do love a good scallion.

Yes!

In the spirit of yearnings and yum, I give you this recipe I adapted from NY Times last year. It reflects my New Mexico roots exactly.

This dish is perfect for Christmas or any time of year, but because I can’t easily find cherries here this time of year, at least in the US, I am naming this one “Christmas in July.”

No matter the occasion, when you make this dish it will be the one that no one has ever had before!

So, in the spirit of Christmas and loving one another, I wish you Merry Christmas and happy cherry hunting!

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Fiery “Christmas in July” Cherry & Pinon Nut Salad with Serrano and Charred Scallion Vinaigrette

Prep Time 35

Servings 4

Ingredients

1 1/2 pounds sweet cherries
1 bunch scallions
1/2 cup pinon nuts also called pine nuts
1 – 2 serrano peppers red or green, 1 or 2 depending on size
3 tbsp white balsamic or rice wine vinegar
1 tbsp olive oil extra virgin
1/4 sea salt
black pepper

Instructions

Score each cherry with knife at seam circularly around center and slice in half
Using your fingers, remove cherry pits and discard
Place halved cherries in a large salad bowl
Clean and trim scallions, removing tips of green ends and white frond ends
Place entire bunch of scallions on cutting board and slice in half, separating green ends from white ends
Take white ends and slice each scallion lengthwise into very thin strips
Add to cherries bowl
Remove stem and seeds from serrano and slice thinly
Add to cherries bowl along with pinon nuts
Toss well and drizzle with vinaigrette

For the Charred Scallion Vinaigrette

Char green ends over stove top burner until fragrant and smoky, just blackened but not disintegrating
Place charred ends on board and dice finely, working knife back and forth and running knife at 45-degree angle to mash into a paste
Place paste into a small bowl
Add vinegar, stirring well to combine
Add olive oil, salt, and pepper to taste, whisk until smooth

Best Herb-Crusted Rack of Lamb

The best ever lamb dish is here! Easy and elegant, you CAN make this!

Ever since I found the wonderful local meat shop just a few miles from our house, I have been making all varieties of fresh meats – veal milanese, osso buco, saltimboca, bison green chile stew, and now rack of lamb.

All have been the best cuts of meat I have ever tasted, but this rack of lamb was the most tender and flavorful cut of meat I’ve ever had.

My local meat market is No Bull Prime Meats at https://www.nobullprimemeats.com/

If you are ever in Albuquerque, New Mexico, go see the owner, Brett. He is a kick! And the staff are very helpful.

This recipe, adapted from Ina Garten’s classic, is very easy – even if you are no whiz in the kitchen, as I said, you can make this!

Some like to serve rack of lamb with a tzatziki (Greek garlic yogurt) sauce, but I don’t think this needs it at all.

That being said, I served this with a simple lemon and cashew rice, along with a salad.

** Cut recipe in 1/2 for 2 for an elegant date-night or super delicious two-person BFF dinner.

Enjoy!

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Best Herb-Crusted Rack of Lamb

Prep Time 10

Cook Time 30

Resting Time 15

Total Time 55

Servings 6

Equipment

Food Processor (optional)
Roasting Pan
Lemon Zester

Ingredients

2 Racks Lamb
2 Tbsp Olive Oil extra virgin
1 tsp Salt
1/2 tsp Cracked Pepper
1 Tbsp Rosemary fresh
1 Tbsp Thyme fresh
4 Tbsp Butter at room temperature
1 cup White Breadcrumbs
1/2 Shallot minced finely
3 cloves Garlic diced finely
2 tsp Lemon Zest

Instructions

Allow lamb to rest at room temperature for 1 to 2 hours
Preheat oven to 450 F
Place lamb fat side up in a large roasting pan
Rub well with olive oil, then liberally salt and pepper
Roast for 10 minutes
Meanwhile, combine herbs, breadcrumbs, butter, shallot, garlic, and lemon zest and pulse until a course and sandy in texture, set aside
Remove lamb from oven and press herb mixture into fat cap and sides
Return to oven and roast another 20 minutes
Remove from oven and tint lightly with foil. Rest for 15 minutes
Carve into 1- or 2-chop portions and serve

On Conquering Fears II: Overnight Camping

Overcoming avoidance is key to healing from trauma. This is a story about overcoming fears through nature and healing through cooking.

I thought I’d go back in time and tell the story of my solo overnight camping trip.

My son, his girlfriend, our big dog and I had gone on a trip to this same area of Northern New Mexico earlier in the summer and stayed a couple of nights, so I felt ready to do this. I wasn’t exactly sure why, but something was compelling me.

For me, it’s scary being alone, especially at night. See my earlier post, “On Conquering Fears: Outbound” https://on-conquering-fears-outbound

I wasn’t fully conscious of what was driving me at the time, but there was a transformation happening with me. That was something I had been aware of for a few months by then.

Anyway, morning of the trip, I pack up.

Even for one, packing takes some time. It’s very helpful to have bins of staple items ready to go, as with most types of adventures that require gear (camping, skiing).

As you’ll see, I wasn’t exactly all alone on this one – I brought my little dog, Nibbles, with me. She is my constant companion but not much of a “protector.” She does have a LOUD bark though.

The ride up is totally uneventful, but glorious. Windows open, taking in trees fragrant and brilliant green, we climb, above the 8,000 ft elevation mark.

For this car-camp, I want a semi-developed site, which means one that is off of the road but that is accessible by 4-wheel drive car. It’s muddy, and I definitely don’t want to get stuck out here all alone! Yikes!

These aren’t developed sites in campgrounds. They are ones where folks have accessed areas off-road and built fire rings with rocks and have flattened areas of ground with their tents. Some have remnants of plastic bottle lids, aluminum foil bits, and other trash.

Shaking my head, I wonder if it’s just carelessness, hurriedness, or other reasons people can be so thoughtless. Most complex behavior is multiply-determined, so I settle on that.

There are people around, but the “sites” are spread out enough that it would take a little bit to access.

I have a hard time finding a spot. There aren’t many and the ones that are accessible are all taken.

I’m nearly at the end of the canyon where the tall trees enshroud. Any further north along the road and the canyon opens up to a wide high plain. No one camps there. It’s too exposed along the road and not beautiful.

My spot is quite sweet – it even has a stream running right through the middle.

Nibbles is too afraid to get out of the car. This is new for her.

I know how she feels.

Letting her get her bearings in her own way and time, I set up camp.

Camp table, 5-gallon water jug, old Coleman grill, cooler.

I get out bags of food supply, flashlight, lighter, my bin of cooking and cleaning utensils.

Air mattress, pillow, and sleeping bag.

If you’ve ever been camping, you’ll know that one of the very first things you do is set up your tent. Did I do that? No.

LOL.

This time we are sleeping in the car! 😜 😜😜😜😜😜

We go fishing down the road, didn’t catch anything today, so time to get a fire going and start dinner.

I wanted something really easy but yummy and light enough.

This is an egg and bacon green salad with radicchio, avocado, and grapes. Here’s how it looked when I made it at home:

Served with a vinaigrette, baguette, and butter this is amazing! You can find the recipe here: https://bacon-and-egg-greens-salad-with-radicchio-grapes-and-vinaigrette

It’s been a nice day. Earlier, a couple walked by my campsite. I could tell they were wondering what a middle-aged woman was doing up here all alone. Or maybe not. It’s funny either way.

Chilling by the fire with Nibbles, who has relaxed by now, I also feel totally relaxed, at peace.

Two cups of Mexican hot cocoa later, it’s getting pretty dark, stars becoming brighter in the night sky. Without the interference from city lights they are so brilliant. One of the reasons I love Northern New Mexico.

Did I tell you that my sister and I used to camp out just the two of us? We were young when we first started – age 11 – on the neighbor’s land. They owned 100 acres. We were never afraid.

That was before.

Nibs and I settle in the back of the car. It is definitely roomy enough, and comfortable. I am not afraid at all now. The windows are rolled up. And we both fall fast asleep.

Sometime later I wake to the sound of an alarm blaring. WTH??

It’s the freaking car alarm. Is there someone around? What is happening???

Grabbing the flashlight, I investigate each side of the car through the windows.

An animal? A person? Eek…

No – nothing. There is nothing out there.

And then it hits me: I probably set the alarm off when I turned over! It’s that darn auto-alarm feature! OMG, LOL!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I’ve experienced this before.

I find the keys and shut off the alarm, thinking about the couple camping aways down the road. I’m sorry, folks, I really am.

Anyway, I go back to sleep.

After that, I swear, I must have set that alarm off maybe 30 times. 😂😂😂

Sooner or later, I decided to just keep the car key in my hand so I could shut off within a second or two.

Those poor neighboring campers.

Feeling chagrinned the next morning, we were up pretty early. We pretty much booked it out of there. Hahahaha!!! 😆😆😆🤣🤣🤣

But we made it through the night – even got some sleep!

This is an enormous win for me.

Hooray!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉

I make some coffee, pack up, and clean up the site, looking around, thanking the wild for offering solitude.

Nibbles doesn’t want to get in the car.

I know how she feels.

On Conquering Fears: Outbound

Overcoming avoidance is key to healing from trauma. This is my original story about overcoming fears and about healing through nature and cooking.

I’ve been going back and forth in writing this one.

It’s a bit hard, as I don’t know that I’ve ever actually written about this before, even in a journal.

That surprises me.

I started this blog in the wake of the covid-19 pandemic, after reflecting a lot, like many of us. I’ve been spending more and more time outside and also cooking more and wanting to blend the two, as they are my loves.

The other issue is that my only child (grown son) will be moving out, and this is a new chapter in my life -really about who am I and what my purpose is now that it’s not all about my child and also not about my work.

Why outbound gourmet then? I guess it’s time to tell the story.

This particular story starts when I was 18 years old and had just moved out of my childhood home 11 months before.

See, I grew up in a tiny town in Northern New Mexico – a town of just 18,000 people, where everyone knows virtually everyone and everyone’s business. It was also exceedingly boring.

I have to recognize here that boredom is the hallmark of privilege, and I had it in droves. Nice upbringing, physician father, stay-at-home mother, both supportive, no abusive or real adverse horrible events. Pretty nice. Also, there were so few opportunities for my butterfly-like, fast-minded and adventure-loving soul.

So, of course, the day I graduated from high school I had packed my belongings and headed for California.

THAT didn’t exactly turn out well for my tiny-towned level of experience, so after 9 months there (and, by the way, in college), I headed home, moving to the largest place I could find that was close to home and culturally kind of similar.

Not having an appetite to return to college, I enrolled in travel school, rented a ground-floor apartment, and started a new life.

One damn dark night two months into this new adventure I had gone to bed and inadvertently left a window ajar. Snug in my bed, I fell soundly asleep, not much of a care in the world.

Later, really late, it seemed, I found myself awakened by a pressure over my entire body, over my entire back and neck – something suffocating me from behind and atop of me.

“Make a sound and I will kill you.” A man’s voice said.

I froze.

And felt something jab into my neck, sharp, quick.

Biology or something taking over my body, I guess I tried to push that sharp thing away from my neck – I grabbed for it, grasping and swiping, pushing it away from my most vulnerable carotid area.

With that, the man clamped down, heavier on my body, closing pressure around my neck.

And the world went blank.

Coming to after a while (a minute or two?) later, I felt pressure around my neck and still the heaviness of this man’s body on top of me.

From nowhere I found myself say, “Let me turn over.”

See, I had been lying on my stomach this entire time, and I needed to breathe.

And then, miraculously, just for an instant the heaviness on top of my body eased.

And it was then that I turned, just my head.

And I screamed.

I screamed as loud and long as I could.

He.

Ran.

It was only later, several days later, actually, that I saw the blood splattered on the walls. Blood from my neck and hand where he had cut me. Bruises around my neck from where he had strangled me.

I still don’t know to this day why the splatter ended up all over my bedroom walls.

I went home.

My blessed mother arrived at 4AM to pick me up and take me home, to my hometown.

On the way I fell asleep in the passenger seat, finally warm and no longer shaking – after a few hours of those helpful police officers chatting, offering me safety and kindness, and also some tips on how not to be so dumb in the future and leave a window open. They offered me solace.

I don’t know why people do what they do sometimes, but I suppose the rest of my life began an investigation of that question.

I never was the same after that night.

It’s not an easy thing to be randomly awakened in the place where you feel safe and warm and allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to sleep. By a complete stranger.

It’s years later that I understand that it is the randomness that predicts difficulty in coping. I understand this and we can talk about this. After all, I am a psychiatrist.

But I moved on, and, despite many years of going to sleep at 6AM (when the sun comes up), I made my way through medical school and have become a pretty successful doctor.

I love my profession, it is worthy, and it drives me. It teaches me. I love humans, flaws and all.

As I said, I had many years of terrible insomnia. Still do. You can imagine maybe.

For years I sought comfort of having another with me at night. That led to marriages. Both another story, one in particular. An amazing story for some aspects, really.

In the end, this event at age 18, a few moments really, changed my life course entirely.

That was nearly 36 years ago now. I’m nauseous just writing about it.

But I’ve had years of therapy to overcome the insomnia, PTSD. It helps but it has not cured really.

More about that later.

Right now, I am trying to conquer fears of being alone. I am still afraid of being alone at night, no matter where I am. If I’m alone in my own house at night, even with alarms and dogs, I am afraid.

I am afraid outside, I limit where I go at dark.

But I’ve always been a fun-loving person. I love being outside, love adventures, love laughing, love fun. And I love cooking.

I’ve gotten more skilled at cooking too!

So, this summer I did something totally unexpected for me: I went camping overnight all by myself.

It doesn’t help that I have a phobia of bears (way less dangerous than humans), but human minds are not always rational.

Anyway, my adventure with this blog starts here. My goal is to experience adventures that I make, on my terms. Camp, venture out, sleep overnight alone, and make my own safe spots, cooking, creating delicious meals, doing my thing.

My first blogs were experimenting with cooking just on my patio. Cooking is a way for me to personally give back – to craft something delicious and comforting from the local roots that have offered me solace for so long.

So, in the end, that’s why “outbound.” That’s why outbound gourmet.

Dedicated to all victims of trauma. Your path, your method of perseverance is uniquely your own. There is no right way, no wrong way, just your way.

Veal Osso Buco

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Veal osso buco is slowly braised in red wine and herbs, resulting in fall-off-the-bone tender meat with the best sauce you have ever tasted. This is an easy date-night dinner. Veal osso buco is truly one of the most romantic dishes you can make.

I made this between work projects in about 20 minutes and then let the oven do the magic. It is equally great for weeknight and date night!

My recipe is very traditional, but I do like to blend the vegetables into a smooth braising-liquid sauce that is then reduced slightly to intensify and finish the final flavor.

While osso buco is traditionally made with veal, you can use beef, which is easier to find and a bit less expensive.

I found the best local veal in New Mexico at No Bull Prime Meats, Albuquerque, NM. https://www.nobullprimemeats.com/

No Bull has an incredible selection of locally raised and all-natural beef, veal, chicken, buffalo, and lamb, along with exotic meats (yak, alligator), seafood, and other locally sourced products (NM honey).

I don’t serve my osso buco with gremolata (green herb sauce), in osso buco alla milanese-style, but typically accompany with mashed potatoes, risotto, polenta, or even corn bread.

Veal shanks are seasoned, then dredged in flour and seared until brown.

Removing veal to a plate to rest, a mirepoix (cooked celery, carrot, onion, garlic) is made rich with tomato paste and then red wine.

Shanks are added back to pan and nearly covered with broth, heated to boiling, then placed in oven for 2 hours until fall-apart tender.

The end result is a beautiful, tender, and flavorful dish. I spooned this with just a little sauce, but you can use much more if you like!

Enjoy and let me know how you serve your osso buco!

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Veal Osso Buco

Veal shank slowly braised in red wine and herbs, resulting in fall-off-the-bone tender veal for easy weeknight or even date night dinner

Prep Time 20

Cook Time 2

Total Time 2 10

Servings 2

Equipment

Dutch Oven
Blender, either immersion or regular

Ingredients

1/2 cup flour
1 1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
2 veal shanks about 8 oz each
3 tbsp olive oil extra virgin
1 carrot peeled and chopped
1 celery stalk chopped
1/2 large onion chopped
2 garlic cloves minced
2 tbsp tomato paste
1 cup red wine dry, such as merlot or cabernet sauvignon
2 cups beef broth full sodium
4 sprigs thyme
1 bay leaf

Instructions

Preheat oven to 325F
Season veal shanks lightly with salt
Dredge in flour, coating all surfaces
Heat 2 tbsp olive oil in pan until hot
Sear veal on both sides, about 4 minutes each; remove from pan and set aside
Heat remaining olive oil in pan, add carrots, celery, and onion and cook until soft and fragrant, about 4 minutes
Add garlic and cook for another minute, then add tomato paste and cook 2 minutes until browned
Deglaze pan with red wine, heating until simmering; pour in beef broth
Place veal shanks back into pan, along with thyme and bay leaf and adjust liquid to ensure broth is sufficient to nearly cover shanks
Add remaining salt and let liquid come to a boil
Cover and place in preheated oven; cook for 2 hours until meat is tender
Remove bay leaf and thyme and discard, and then remove meat to plate
Allow braising liquid mixture to cool slightly
Blend mixture with an immersion or regular blender until smooth, taking care not to burn yourself
Pour liquid back into Dutch oven and reduce for several minutes; adjust seasonings, adding additional salt and pepper
Spoon braising liquid sauce over shanks and serve over risotto, polenta, or mashed potatoes